Ok. I’ll do what is called a compliment sandwich to recap the game, seeing as how I did not wake up with any knowledge of how to make ice sculptures or know how to play the piano. Fortunately, I still refuse to watch Napoleon Dynamite, so that’s good. This is where I analyze the team’s performance and point out a good thing, then a bad thing, and finish with a good thing. But it’s gonna be like a Primanti Bros sandwich, where the bread completely falls apart. So here is my day as I remember it:
I was on the field for the pre game ceremonies, carrying a broken Cat Basket sign. Some (rude youth) had broken the carrying stick so I had to “beast” it for 20 minutes. Wasn’t that bad. But this gave me a chance to see the fans from the field… lemme tell you… Ho-ly (smokes). Perhaps it was our 5-1 record. Perhaps it was the last two games. Perhaps it was the ranking. But the fans… Wow. Just wow. The fans were stellar. The student section was completely packed. I knew it would be, but from the field, it looked monstrous. Pregame atmosphere? We had it in spades, people.
And then the kickoff. Hotrod took the kickoff and ran, giving us good starting field position. Then, Shady Shady Shady. What a monster. I can’t say enough about him, so I’ll just give you his stats, along with one of his notable plays. FOUR TD RUNS and 146 yds. Also three receptions for another 34 yds. The one play involves an act that defies physics. Shady got his corner on the left and somehow tiptoed the line and dozed off a 30 yard run. Ladies and gentleman, the man is fast.
The first drive lasted seconds and I missed most of it because I was sprinting back to my seat from the field. Then Rutgers got the ball and we start the meat of our compliment sandwich:
Our O-line looked relatively solid, for the most part, which is a good sign. Stull had some trouble throwing early, but that’s fine. All in all, our offense seemed to do just fine. We put up 34 points which is exactly what you want from a team with our talent level (at least considering the first few games). The problem was our defense. Scott McKillop did his thing. He destroyed people and got a dozen or so tackles. He’s everywhere. Our frontmen, though horribly undersized, held their own. No, the problem was our secondary. I mean come (expletive) on!!! Aaron Berry had an early INT, but that was it from him. Jovani Chappel… I know you and I have shared a drink or two, but you cost us the game. You let up two big plays in the first quarter that sucked the momentum right out of the stadium. Mike Teel, the giant jersey QB, let off a couple of bombs. After he let the first one, Pitt went three and out and he did it again, and just like that, we were down 14-7 after opening possession and wouldn’t you know it… after a big drive, we turn it over on downs after a botched field goal “trick” play. In all honesty, it was a great time to make the play, but can’t we throw at all? So yeah…
On the next (accursed) play, Teel throws another bomb… and after that, we miss a field goal. But this time we block the extra point! 20-7! Could it be another Iowa? We’ll see. But I digress. Here are the stats copied and pasted on the three drives by Rutgers:
2 plays, 66 yards in 00:55.
1 play, 80 yards in 00:36.
10 plays, 71 yards in 09:54.
After their third TD, it was shady shady shady again. Three plays for 78 yards and a TD. Boom. 14-20. there is hope! Nah… Teel gets the ball and picks us apart (with the help of a few penalties) and wouldn’t you know it… Our secondary let us down again. Chappel again, if I’m not mistaken. Move the dude to linebacker. He cannot cover at all.
This goes back and forth again, but we give it to Shady on the 1 yd line and we pounded it in. Then Rutgers scores… again… but we get a field goal, so that’s good. And we roll into half time down 34-24.
At this point I will inform the reader that I am taking a break from writing this to put on pants (begrudgingly) and get some breakfast. If I do all this in one sitting, I know for a fact that I will either kill myself or throw up on my laptop, and then kill myself. Either way, I’d kill myself.
So the scarlet Rutgers get the ball to start the second half and we absolutely stuff them. What a big defensive showing. And wouldn’t know you it? We blitzed!!! At this point, RUTGERS PUNTS FOR THE FIRST TIME ALL GAME!!! I’ll remind you that it is the second half. Shady drives this one home with a little help from Baldwin. These kids, man… thing’s are looking good. We are down 31-34, and after another big defensive showing, they are punting again!!! Someone next to me said as the ball was falling, “Now for the scariest time to be a Panther fan.” Eerie, because even though Berry caught it, he ran up the left and got stripped, giving Rutgers the ball on our friggin 35. They bang this one home and it’s 41-31.
This drive might have been the scariest thing to happen on Heinz field if you are a panther. After nearly going three and out, Stull floats a pass over the middle and is drilled, helmet to helmet, but no penalty. The ball hits the ground after not going more than 8 feet above ground, and panthers walk off the field, and then everyone notices that my Bill Stull hasn’t moved. And he won’t move. Not until 10 minutes of silent murmurs and two kneeling teams does anything else happen. He was carted off the field very slowly and only managed to raise one fist and the crowd cheered. I saw his face as he was driven to the tunnel, and that is not the look of a person that is with us. Get well, Billy.
And then Rutgers punts after a very physical and angry Pitt defense just has their way. And hold your breaths, because now comes Bostick. Here is something I noticed between the two QBs: Bostick likes throwing to Turner, which is a BIG (really big) MISTAKE. But he also gets the best out of Nate Byham. He gets one pass to him and Byham just takes 30 yds. Then Bostick throws what should be a fade route from the 25 but it doesn’t make it to the 15, and it falls into a swarm of linebackers, one of whom takes it back to our 15. Shady on the tackle. But at this point it is really inevitable and the fans empty out shortly after Sweet Caroline. By the end of the game, there were no more than 500 people in the stands to watch Pitt flounder back to the locker room… So that’s it. Teel threw a school record six touchdowns, and Kordell Young ran in for two more, to give the game a final score of 54-34. We also blocked another extra point, somehow.
And to conclude my compliment sandwich, I’ll leave us on a positive note. This game was not as important to us as Navy or South Florida. If we had to lose to another completely worthless team, it might as well be this one. Still, we are in contention for the Big East and we are only 5-2. It’s not the worst thing in the world. Oh wait, South Florida lost to Louisville? Aw crap…
Sorry if this article isn’t what you are used to reading, but it is from the standpoint of the least informed member of the catbasket, and you can all look up the stats yourselves. What I wanted to give you was the impression, and I hope in that regard, I have succeed. Godspeed. Oh, yeah, get well soon, Billy and Rob. I hope to hell that leg isn’t broken…
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