This is an open letter to William Randall Abenforth Stull. It's me: your biggest fan. Let's make one thing clear: Last year i was a fan of yours because you refused to talk to me at first. Somehow that feeling of rejection festered into an inexplicable admiration for your personality. I was a fan of you, not your playing ability. Truth be told, I was already sold on Cat Basket at that point, but you just seemed so damn likable. But now, seeing how you struggled against a failing Iowa team when we have the talent to get to a BCS bowl destroys me inside. I'd love to see you succeed. Truly. You've opened yourself up to me with your passionate, grateful words of "My man" and now I must do everything I can to make you look to everyone else how you look to me. Let's begin by comparing your strengths to your weaknesses. Strengths: you always make the right decision and you are mobile. weaknesses: your arm isnt the strongest or most accurate and you have the WORST COACHING STAFF IN THE HISTORY OF FOOTBALL to look up to, plus joe thomas. So let's eliminate some of the weaknesses from the equation. for starters, NEVER THROW TO TURNER, EVER! throw to someone who will make an effort to catch your passes, should they run errant. Cedric and Kinder and Porter are all so much better than turner, who's only playing because of Yinz factor. Also, you have Byham, who, despite a few drops last game, still has sure hands...Nextly, FEEL FREE TO IGNORE THE COACHING STAFF! THEY ARE BONA-FIDE LIFETIME LOSERS! THERE IS A REASON WANNY "LEFT" ALL HIS OTHER JOBS!!!Finally, and I mean this sincerely, move around more. scramble more. you're quicker than you look, and if you have turner in, well, nevermind. on that designed run, you did very well to get into the endzone. use your speed and try to make your passes as short as they can be.One last note: TELL SHADY TO PRACTICE HOLDING ONTO THE GOD DAMNED BALL!!! He'll soon enough cost another game like louisville last year. he needs to get grounded, badly.
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